A Joyous Slave to My Art

Last night after rehearsal, Steve, our music director, mentioned that the theater we’re renting our rehearsal space from had just wrapped up a show and was holding a free open mic downstairs, and he suggested we should all go. So those of us who either didn’t have need of sleep or who were willing to brave exhaustion for the sake of a good time got some beer and went down to hang out. And, my God, it was amazing! The night started out with a reading of Baudelaire’s “Be Drunk” in French (with English subtitles…no joke), which set the spirit of the night. It was a revel. It was a rollicking, laughing, beating, passionate, irreverent night of poetry, music, comedy, camaraderie, groove, talent.

My friend, Molly, read a poem of hers set in bed with a lover. The line I remember of it: “you’re soft. like silk. like satin. and I could sleep between you.” I audibly exhaled upon hearing that line. Late in the night, a viola player played something so beautiful I almost wept with joy from the sound of it, and Steve put his arm around me when he saw me grinning in bliss. The Tantalus crowd got up toward the end and sang a song from Ragnarok for everyone. Which the crowd responded relatively well to.

This is, I think, the crest of a wave of creative energy that I’ve been moving on since Friday (or maybe it’s just the swell of it…I certainly hope so). Tantalus did a 24-hour theatre this weekend, which means that we wrote, directed, lit, set, etc. an entire show from scratch in 24 hours. It was amazing. We met at the space on Friday night for a meet and greet. I was introduced to the lighting designer (who is the current boyfriend of my most recent ex…which was harrowing at first, but turned out to be better than fine), and then we set to work figuring out what we had, what we needed, etc. By midnight, a script synopsis was written. By two, we had built a makeshift dimmer board. At dawn, we had the first read-through of the script, and most of the lights were hung and ready. By nine o’clock the next night, we created a show that was as good as, and in fact better than many shows I have been involved that had full rehearsal processes. In the end, I spent forty-four hours awake, and I didn’t feel tired or exhausted, at all, until the moment when I decided to go home. The experience was so incredible—it was like nothing I’ve ever been involved in. Like squeezing the full experience of working with people on the run of a show, finding little intimacies with them and inside jokes into such a short time that it just infused me with energy.

The more time I spend with the Ragnarok cast, the more impressed I am with them. With us. Everyone comes to rehearsal with ideas and energy and a willingness to explore and go above and beyond what is usually expected of actors to create something that’s beautiful. Last night we had photo call for our publicity photos and afterwards I was struck with just how powerful the scenes we’ve created are. The music for the show sweeps and swells with the intensity of a folk opera—the sort of thing sung by heroes around a table in a mead hall. We play with the passion of people who are about to see the world end…because that’s what the play is about.

Anyway, I feel blessed, as if the cosmos is inserting me into new places with new people and experiences. I feel overjoyed to get to be a part of something incredible, and to work with such strong and intelligent and motivated people. It’s good fun and it’s exhilarating and I want it to last.